Why I Will Never Be Considered A Good Blogger

This is actually something I have been thinking about quite a bit. Especially every time I hit the Stumble button and another how to be a good blogger blog shows up. My other favorite is the myriad of articles telling how to make money as a blogger. The one that pushed me over the edge was the 50 best and most relevant bloggers, somehow implying the rest of us are somewhat irrelevant.

Find a niche. I don't want to. I like offering to the masses the unique ramblings of this mad man. These ramblings can go in any direction which is what makes it fun to write and I am suire some may be wondering what I am going write next. My mind is random and I believe if what I am going to be offering is a reflection of me than it should be as random as I am.

By the way I love the word fuck. I really fucking do. However if your are to be a good blogger you should refrain from swearing. Oh shit. I guess I am fucked.

I should be tasteful. I used to own a 3lb Blue Chihuahua. The dog was blue. I was driving one day while he sat in the passenger seat and it occurred to me I was driving with a lethal weapon. If I hit the brakes he was going to through the windshield. Next I pictured a guy on the ground with half a Chihuahua sticking out of his head and laughed my self to tears. I had to pull over.

Link generously. I would rather link interestingly. I have varied and eclectic tastes. I throw up links to stuff I like. I link to blogs I actually read. I link selectively.

Sometimes I wake up and have a twinkle in my eye. That twinkle comes from a desire to fuck with people and see just how far I can take it. I mean really get under some ones skin. stir up some shit for no other reason than stirring up some shit. I am an asshole on those days. OK well everyday but most days I keep it check.

In general terms I don't like people. People as a whole are stupid. An individual is smart and can be reasoned with. When you group individuals together the average IQ of the group drops 30 points.

Did I mention my love for the word fuck.

Now that I scared off the mindless and the those with taste. On to something completely different.

I saw a bird the other day and it was looking at me. Maybe it was trying to read my mind. But why would a bird try to read my mind?

Now back to the news.

A good blogger should never do what I just did. It makes you appear insane and can alienate your readers. Remember your readers have no sense of humor.

Be an expert. But I don't know anything.

Be interesting. Really what is more interesting than trying to determine the sanity of a man that thinks a bird is trying to read his mind.

Keep posts short and to the point. Damn it! I was trying to figure out how to make this longer.

Credibility. How do I make you think I am a credible resource when I am writing a blog telling you why I am not a good blogger. Wrap your head around that.

SEO. Don't know what it means? Don't feel bad I had to look it up. Search Engine Optimization. WTF? I just want to write. I am no programmer and if I wanted to be one I would be one. Web Developers have jobs so I don't have to deal with this shit. Ooops, I said shit. There I go again. I must really be a horrible blogger.

I am hoping that everyone sees that this is a satirical article not meant to be taken seriously. I figure I lost those with no sense of humor and an overdeveloped sense of taste about a third of the way into this. For the rest of you I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh and a very special thank you to Mirjam for the brainstorm idea as this article is the first part of that experiment. You can check her stuff out to the right or here Me Myself & I