Chicken Alfredo Salad

You read that right.

Block o cream cheese.

1 lb Chicken cubed

1/4-1/3 pound bacon

Spring mix salad

Knorrs Alfredo

Some Milk

1/4 stick butter

I put a light coat of olive oil in the pan and cooked up the chicken. In a seperate pan cut up and fry the bacon. Set aside to cool while you make the Alfredo.

Melt butter and cream cheese. Whip. Add 2 cups of mil with a few shakes of black pepper 2 shakes of dill and barely a shake of crushed mint. Keep stirring with whisk until well mixed. Add Knorrs and kick up the heat to bring to a quick boil while stirring constantly. Once it starts to boil remove from heat and keepo stirring for a minute or 2 an pour into a another container. Throw in the freezer for 5 minutes then stir some more. Throw it back in the freezer for another 5 minutes..

Put some spring mix in abowl and add chicken then pour soauce over the top to your liking then sprinkle with bacon and for a little treat shred a little provolone on top.

The Queen of the Geeks Chicken Club Slad

This is an excellent sald that we have started eating on a regular basis to start eating healthier.

1lb chicken

green salad mix

6 slices turkey bacon. Yeah I know get over it.

A good ranch dressing

Garlic

Half a stick of butter

Balsamic Vinegar

Cheddar and provolone cheese

cube up your chicken and melt your butter in with the garlic in a pan throw in the chcicken and a splash of vinegar.

In a seperate pan cut up your bacon into small pieces and fry it up. With turkey bacon there is a lot less grease to drain.

Throw your tossed salad in a bowl. I recommend throwing the chicken in a bowl and throw it in the freezer for 5 minutes just to cool it off same with the bacon.

Shred your cheese up and throw it in the bowl. Add chicken and bacon and dressing and mix well. Then scarf it down and eat well my friends.

Out Sick

The wildfires in this area have kicked up a ton of smoke making it nearly hazardous to be outside. It has also given me one hell of a sinus infection causing great amounts of pain in my face. The meds I am on make it damn near impossible to focus on anything for longer than 2 sec. I weill be back in a couple days. Have fun kids.

I am taking a day off from the recipes to do something completely different.

I really feel like seeing just how far over the edge I can go right now.

So here goes something.

FUCK!

I love the fucking word. It is my favorite fucking word. Some are offended by the word and really if a word offends you, grow the fuck up. Words are just that words. There are no bad words just words used in poor context.

I fucking love to argue with people who say some words are bad. I went out on one date with a woman that feel this way and hated it when I would swear. Well too fucking bad sweetheart. This is part of the package. Hence only 1 date.

So really why the use of the word fuck in overabundance?

I lost a hero the other day and it was a hero that taught me to love words. All words not just the polite ones. If the word fuck has such impact then it proves that it is good word full of use. If it had no impact then it may as well be the word elbow.

In closing kids remember the most perfect sentence in all the world. Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

The Whoreburger

This is a variation of a buddies recipe.

2 lbs of hamburger.

Good ranch dressing.

Crushed or chopped garlic.

Sharp cheddar cheese.

Pack o bacon.

Throw the meat in the bowl and add in ranch and garlic. Mix thoroughly with hands. Make patties about 6 - 8 inches in diameter and 1/4 inch thick.

Cut bacon up and cook til done but not crispy. Shred a bunch of cheese.

On patty place cheese and bacon. Cover with second patty and run the outside together with your fingers making one giant patty. Cook then eat and have a heart attack.

For special added treat saute onions and mushrooms to throw on top. Have fun kids.

Tacos del Whore

I took the left over juices and mushrooms from the Fillet Mignon from the other day and decided to use it to help me make tacos.

1 - 1 1/2 lbs chicken. I use boneless skinless thigh meat.

Left over juices and mushrooms from this recipe.

1 pack Taco Bell taco seasoning.

1 can Rosarita fat free re-fried beans

Small tub of sour cream

Shredded sharp cheddar cheese

White corn tortillas

I threw the juices and mushrooms in my wok and turned the heat on low.

Chop up your chicken real small then throw it in.

Add seasoning and stir it all up, then leave on low heat for about 10 minutes. Then add one cup of water crank the heat up until it boils. Slowly stir until it starts boiling. Let boil for 5 minutes then reduce heat and let it simmer for 10 minutes. Then remove heat and cover.

Dump your re-fried beans in a pot on low heat and stir as it heats up. You are just warming it up.

When you are ready to make your tacos strain your chicken and mushrooms then throw back in pan.

The tortillas you can cook up in oil or use as is.

Throw a tspn of sour cream on your tortilla with a tspn of refried beans or more depending on your tastes. Add chicken cover in cheese and viola you are ready to eat. We made up 5 tacos and had left overs. Have a great weekend.

Fillet Mignon

I found these wonderful fillets at Costco that come wrapped in bacon. "Hmmm bacon."

Here is what I am doing with them.

Get out a Tupperware container and put your 2 steaks in there. Pour in a some teryaki marinade and some sweet and sour marinade. Put in the fridge for a few hours.

I am going to broil the steaks for however long it takes to get them just barely medium rare.

In a pan I am going to melt some butter, throw in some garlic and mushrooms and sautee the hell out of them.

I have White sweet corn on the cob and a baked potato to go with it.

Pretty simple on this one. Enjoy.

Sweet and Whore Chicken

Now if there is one thing you should know it is that no traditional recipe is safe in this house. I must fuck with everything. Sweet and sour chicken is no exception.

1 1/2 Chicken. Again I prefer boneless skinless thigh meat because it has more natural flavor and cooks easier.

1/4 lb cream cheese.

1/4 stick butter.

1/2 cup World Harbor Maui Mountain sweet and sour marinade.

Brown rice.

Steamed vegetables.

Melt your cream cheese and butter and whip with a whisk.

Add sweet and sour and mix.

Cut chicken into small 3 year old bite sizes.

Use low medium heat and slow cook chicken in your sauce. Stir occasionally until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

Cook your rice half way and then throw it in with your chicken so it will soak up all the flavor. When done add your choice ov of veggies. You can consider adding a little dill to bring out the flavor or add garlic. Play with it and have fun.

Chicken Whorefredo

As with every one of my recipes this one can be modified. Pretty much everything I make is a variation of something else.

1 1/2 Chicken. I use boneless, skinless thigh meat. It just tastes better and it is easier to cook with.

2 packets of Knorr Alfredo

1/2 lb sliced mushrooms.

1/4 cup crushed or chopped garlic.

1/3 lb cream cheese.

1/2 stick butter.

A few shakes of black pepper

A couple shakes of dill

Brown rice or angel hair pasta.

Milk. Again just pull out the gallon.

The Alfredo is the same as the one from the Whoretellini recipe only once you have whipped the cream cheese and butter then add in your chopped up chicken and slow cook on medium low heat for 20-30 minutes stirring occasionally.

Add your spices, mushrooms and Alfredo mix. Add 2-3 cups of milk and raise your heat to high to boil. Do not stop stirring. As it thickens coming to a moil add milk until you have the amount of sauce you want while maintaining thickness. Then reduce heat to low and stir frequently.

One variation to this sauce is to find a good sweet and sour marinade and add 1/4 cup when you throw in the chicken. Mix well.

If you do the angel hair pasta break the noodles up to 2 inch lengths. This way you don't have to cut it up for the 3 year old or other small children. Half cook the pasta and rice. Add a cup of water to the sauce and then throw in your strained noodles or rice. Now it will absorb some of your sauce into the rice or pasta giving you a full flavor meal. Once you add the rice or pasta make you sure you have turned down the heat and stir every 5 minutes until done. The get out your spoon and serve with the vegetable of your choice.

Raspberry Choclate Whorets

This one is a work in progress that I have been playing with. It is dam good though.

1/2 lb cream cheese.

1/2 stick of butter.

1/2 pound Raspberries.

2 table spoons sour cream

Sugar to flavor.

1/4 cup bakers chocolate powder

1-2 cups shaved chocolate.

Bisquick

Melt down butter and cream cheese add sour cream and mix well with whisk

Add Powdered bakers chocolate

Fold in Raspberries.

Add sugar to your tastes.

Use basic Bisquick recipe for pie crust. Roll out 1/2 balls of dough and use rolling pin to roll as thin as humanly possible.

Lay out rolled out dough and drop a tablespoon of cream raspberry mix in the middle.

Add a sprinkle of shaved chocolate.

Fold into a rectangle leaving room for expansion and turn over.

Stick in oven at 350 and wait 5 minutes then add sprinkles of shaved chocolate. Let bake for maybe 5 minutes and then pull and let cool.

Movie Whore Beef and Mushroom Stew

A friend of mine gave me this 2 lb chunk of sirloin yesterday and I decided to stretch it out into something the family could eat of of the next couple days.

2lbs Sirloin.

1/2 lb Sliced Mushrooms.

2 cups water.

2 cups Basque Norte Marinade.

1/4 cup cooking oil.

2 tablespoons vinegar.

1 packet McCormicks Montreal Steak marinade.

2 large baker potatoes

1 Crock Pot.

Flour, just grab the bag.

Throw in all the liquid ingredients and the Montreal Steak marinade mix into the crock pot and mix well with a whisk.

Cube your sirloin and toss it in. Mix well with your hand.

Add mushrooms and mix up by hand a gain.

Cube up your potatoes and throw them int he pot with the meat and mushrooms.

Turn crock pot to low and let sit over night.

In the morning add 4 whole bay leaves.

Around 2 pm use a large slated spoon to remove the meat and mushrooms and potatoes and place in a bowl.

Take the remaining liquid and pour into a pot. Mix with flour to get a nice thick consistency.

Add water. Just enough to cover everything.

Turn back on low for 2 hours. Check about every 30 minutes to make sure you don't lose too much water.

After about 2 hours start adding in you rue/gravy that you made. Add as much as you feel is going to work for you. The cook for another hour on high. Serve with the following biscuits.

Bisquick biscuits with a half pound of shredded shard cheddar and a 1/4 cup of crushed or chopped garlic to the mix. Then bake and serve.

Tomorrow is a pastry treat that will make your mouth water I guarantee.

Whoretellini with Alfredo Mushroom sauce

This is my latest creation. Should be incredible.

Bag o' tortellini

2 Knorrs Alfredo mix

1/2 lb Cream Cheese

1/2 lb Mushrooms

1 stick butter

Just grab a gallon of milk out of the fridge as use will vary.

The tortellinis is the hard part. Just follow the directions on the bag. I used a three cheese but you can use what you want.

Large pot.

Melt butter and cream cheese on low heat and whip up with a whisk

Add alfredo mix.

Start with 2-3 cups of milk. Eyeball it.

Bring to a boil as it heats up monitor thickness and add milk half a cup at a time there in abouts. Eyeball it.

Add chopped mushrooms

Add pepper. A few shakes.

A dash or 2 of dill

A couple or more shakes of rosemary

Never stop stirring. When you feel you have the right amount starting to boil pull from heat and keep stirring

Stir every couple minutes for next ten minutes.

If you followed the directions your tortellini should be done and drained ready to throw in the sauce. Mix and serve

If you like you can cut up some chicken and fry it up separately and throw it or you may even want to try sea food.

Have fun.

Movie Whore Meatloaf and Mash Potatoes

As a kid I hated meat loaf. I mean despised on a level of hate I can not even begin to describe. So one day I was bored in the kitchen and figured what the hell let me see what I can come up with.

Now keep in mind any ingredient portions of guesstimates as I never measure anything. So here we go.

2 lbs ground beef.

1 cup Italian herb bread crumbs maybe more

chopped mushrooms as many as you like.

Garlic I buy the jars of crushed or chopped garlic. Use as much as you want as I know not everyone loves garlic as much as I do.

1/4 cup of any of the following. A-1, BBQ sauce any flavor, Sweet and sour marinade.

1 Egg

Dill weed. I don't measure I just use what ever looks like a good amount.

A small dash of crushed mint.

Throw it all in a bowl and mix with your hands. Yes use your hands. I know it feels disgusting but it really is the best way to do it. Once mixed up forget the bread pan this for the square Pyrex dish you rarely use because you don't know what to make in it.

Once you have it in there throw it in the oven at 375 for 40 minutes then remove and cover the top with a layer of one or a mixture of the following. A-1, BBQ sauce any flavor, Sweet and sour marinade. You want to try and use something with a thick consistency. Sy and Kristen shut up it's cooking you sick fucks.

Turn the oven to broil and put the loaf back in for about 10-15 minutes checking it every 5 minutes. When done you have something that is filling with small portions and is great for left overs if you are a family of 4.

Movie Whore Mash Potatoes

I recommend a mix of golden potatoes and red potatoes.

1/4 pound Cream Cheese

1 stick of butter

1/8 cup of crushed or chopped garlic

4-6 oz of shredded sharp cheddar

4-6 oz shredded Monterrey Jack

Do not peel the potatoes. Cut in half then 1/2 inch slices. Boil checking for tenderness.

While the potatoes are boiling throw the cream cheese butter and garlic into your mixing bowl and nuke until butter is melted.

Use electric hand mixer to whip to a creamy consistency.

Add potatoes and mix well.

Pull out your long Pyrex baking dish and spread potatoes evenly across the pan. Cover in cheese. Throw it in the oven just long enough to melt the cheese and serve.

This is a meal that will stick to your ribs and fill you tummy nicely. Also you may have a heart attack.

Keep in mind kids that I actually measure nothing. It is more like "That looks like enough" or "I think I need a little more."

I find it works for me. Then again I cook on instinct. You have to know what you like. You can modify this any way you wish. Have fun with it and let me know how it turns out.

Recipe Week

Last week sucked hardcore. It was a lesson in brutality on ones psyche, self pity and depression.

You see I have been looking for work since January and I still can't find anything and that is even after applying to flip burgers. So i guess you can say it can frustrate a man to the point where he starts to question himself and what he is doing. It also makes you bat shit crazy for a few days.

I am feeling better now. It just seems anytime I try to get myself in a position to do something out of the house. I get slapped down hardcore. Normally I am all for being slapped around but this has just been ridiculous the last few months.

So I think for the rest of the week I am going to share onf the things that brings me peace. Cooking. That's right kids it's going to be recipe week starting with my own variation of twice baked potatoes.

All recipes will feed 4-6 people depending on ages of your children.

2-3 Large Baker potatoes.
1-1 1/2 pounds of chicken. I use thigh meat but you can use breast meat is you like.
1/4 pound cream cheese.
Half a stick of butter
about 1/4 cup of sweet and sour marinade
about a 1/4 cup of Teryaki marinade. Look for a thicker marinade. If you get the watered down stuff half it.

I use a wok for most of my cooking but I guess you could use a large pan for this as well.

Get your potatoes in the oven at least one hour before you plan to eat dinner.

Throw the cream cheese, butter, sweet and sour and teryaki into your wok and set at low heat.

Take out the chicken and cut it up into small cubes.

After cutting up the chicken the butter should be melted and the cream cheese should nice softened up enough to use a whish to mix sauce up.

Turn your heat up just a little and throw in the chicken. Let it slow cook while your Potatoes cook.

When the potatoes are ready to come out cut them in half and get to scooping them out. Take what you scoop up and mix up with sour cream.

Use a slatted spoon and drain the chicken as you fill the potatoes.

Spread a layer of the mashed potatoes over the top of the chicken and then cover in shredded cheese of choice. I like to use sharp cheddar and monterey jack cheese.

Throw your potatoes back in the oven til the cheese melts and serve.

Experiment with it and have fun. I ahve also made this using Knorr alfredo mix instead of the sweet and sour and teryaki. But the cream cheese and butter is what gives you your base. You can also use this base for a number of other sauces. We may see it return this week. I never now what I am making unitl aoround noon pacific standard time so for you east coasters that's 3pm.

Have fun kids.

Themes and such

Looking for a new theme for my other site. I want something that will give me the ability to have an article list with summary on the home page instead of the full articles. I am frustrated.

Now I am going to go sit and think about what I need to sit and think about.

Then this guy went anf got tested for stuff and he had none. I have more stuff in the back though so I am going to go get the stuff so you sit here and wait and I will be right back with some stuff.

I am so glad he left. He has been a real pain in the ass lately. He thinks he's so fucking funny. He's a fucking dolt is what he is.

Be nice. He has been under a lot of stress. You were there, you saw what he had to deal with.

Yeah man I was there too. Lighten up on the dude.

Fuck him. He's a fucking pansy ass moither fucker. I say we kick his ass then shove his head in the toilet.

Dumb ass. His head is all of our heads. You really want your head shoved in a toilet?

Fuck, I always forget that part.

Yes you do. I really wish you would stop that. Having ones head put into the bowl of a toilet and then flushing the toilet is a foul experience. Let's not forget that next time please.

You know he has a point. Normally I would be disagreeing because I hate that fucking egg head but today he is making sense.

What the fuck are you guys doing? How come every time I step out for a moment you ass clowns have start mucking about and ruining the way things go on around here.

So now what?

So The Queen of the Geeks has this friend with a name that conjures the image of a Hispanic beauty. Turns out she is a dirty blond white girl. Looks kind of like a Stacey. So my future wife tells me not to call her Stacey or she will probably kick my ass. Bah.

So I told her the story and she laughed her ass off. Now it's our joke to torment my future wife.

It's 1 am kids. I am tired and have been dealing with a sleep over with D.Q. and her friends. 4 girls ages 5-9. My night has been interesting to say the least. Throw in a obnoxious 3 year old Dude and we had craziness tonight. I am done. Have a great weekend kids.

OUCH!

Every Tuesday I feel like I need to soak my wrist in ice for a few hours. No not from that. I bowl in a league on Monday nights. I used to be pretty good but lately I can' hit the broad side of a barn.

Then add to it. I got these shoes with a low setting heel. My right leg is 3/4 inch shorter than the left one. Yesterday I walked DQ to school because both cars need serious work and we are broke. With that one heel sitting too low I think I have pulled a tendon that goes from the back of my ankle half way up the back of my thigh and I can barely walk. OUCH!

So here I sit with my coffee and a smoke. Wondering what the hell to wrote about today.

Then I reach in my pocket and pull out my magic beans. I throw them in the air and they fly through the house. The rest on my monitor and start to dance about. I am confused. I thought I was supposed to get a beanstalk out of this deal.

Then I ran out side found that I had been whisked away house and all to a magic land full of magic things.

There was a butterfly sitting on a flower and he said "What the hell dso you want?"

"Where the hell am I?"

"Look asshole this is your dream or hallucination or whatever. I am just here as scenery."

Then he flew off.

So off I walk down a path made of peanut butter cups and it is slow moving as I cruch them with each step. Now I have chocolate and peanut butter deliciousness stuck to the bottom of my shoes.

Then I woke up and found myself in bed and tried to get up but then the pain hit and I fell on my face with one of the cats just staring at me.

How did your morning start?

So I have not been online much the last few days. I will be making the rounds today though.

It has been a weird couple of days. I been spending a lot of time with real people. I know how could I cheat on with you real people. I mean I know you would understand if I said I got lost on a porn forum for 3 days and have just now made my way out.

Friday night I was hanging out with a couple friends, well more like long lost brother and sister in law. We sat in front of their place drinking and talking for several hours. My sister was there too. She got drunk and wanted me to call one of my friends for a booty call. I would never do that to one of my friends. I wouldn't do that to a lot of people I hate. She is mean. Mean on a whole other level.

Found Home Improvement reruns on Nick at night and I have been digging it big time. I love that show. I always kind of had a thing for Patricia Richardson. Something about her I found sexy. Can't explain it.

So it looks like I might be flipping burgers for a while until I can build my brand enough to get some more attention and making a little cash. Oh well. I have done worse.

Had dinner with my dad tonight. He through some ribs in the slow cooker until they came right off the bone then added some teryaki ginger barbecue sauce and made BBQ sandwiches out it. Damn good stuff.

The Wookie was over here most the day. He really is just a walking target. Every time he opens his mouth he says something that just serves up one hell of a slam and of course I take it and hit out the park.

Then I found that thing that the guy was looking for and he said that he did not want it anymore and I was not happy and then he said he wanted that other thing that I had found with the other guy who found those other things a while back and put them in a museum.

Well kids on that note I am off to bed. You have a good Monday and go take a gander what the others are doing. I'm out.

Holy 100 Posts Batman

Here I sit pondering how I got here.

It' been a weird road that has brought me to this this place in time. How did I get here?

So a little over 2 years ago I got my first introduction to MySpace. My ex-wife and I were still together. She was at her parents house in Cottonwood California and I was up in Redmond Oregon. We were in the process of moving back to California. She brought the kids down recovering from her breast reduction surgery as was staying with her parents. I was wrapping up work and getting the place cleaned up.

Her parents hated me with a passion. I was not welcome to stay in their home. On my way down to stay with my parents I picked up The Dude and brought him with me. Shortly there after is when we decided to divorce.

I saw this blog button on MySpace and really did not even know what a blog was. I saw it as a journal, a very public journal to write down my thoughts. I wrote then as I write now, like I ma speaking to a large crowd. I always write the way I speak. It just seems more natural and less forced.

That was my first time blogging. I kept up with it from time to time to let the world know how my life was going.

In January of 2007 I got an email on MySpace from a former employee of mine that I had not seen in 3 years. I had never talked to her outside of work much less as some one she did not work for. When she was my direct report I had the hots for her. I pretty much looked everywhere but at her when talking to her. I had actually fantasized about her quite a bit over the 3 years. So here is what I sent her.

Of course I remember you. I will even let you in on a little secret. I totally had a thing for you but

1. I was married.

2. You were living with some one.

3. We worked together.

I figured I would just get it out of the way early and see if I bombed or if I had something to look forward to. Her reply can be summarized with one word.

Ditto

That is how I got together with The Queen of the Geeks. I know I will end up marrying her and spending quite a happy life with her. We don't argue. When we do it's over something incredibly stupid and ends with me laughing. A lot of things end with me laughing.

So time goes on. I still hit the MySpace blog from time to time but still really had no idea what blogging was or how much of an impact it was making on the web.

Last October the love of my life told me I could stay at home and be a house a bitch. So I did.

At first I did not too bad at keeping up around the house. OK it lasted a week. Then I fell into this boredom. I had nothing to do when The Dude was with his mom. I spent way too much time with my stumble button.

One day stumble brought me to http://www.blogger.com/

I figured what the hell I am as opinionated as the next asshole. So I started this blog.

About the same time Stumble brought me to 1, 2, 3 blogs that I was reading every day. then a little later I found 4 and 5. I had established a great rapport with these people and have begun some friendships that I will never forget.

Then a magic fairy flew down from the mountain of wishes and said "What is it you wish for?"

"A million bucks."

"I am sorry but I am not the money fairy. I am the internet fairy. Do you have a cyber wish?"

"I wish to The Movie Whore and own website with that name."

"Your wish has been granted."

Along the way I have had several styles of writing. The insanity you can blame this woman for. It was her that suggested that I write a post that looked like a brainstorming session. The Blog Storm was born and so was my main style of writing.

At times I wonder how I keep this blog up with the other one always writing something new for each. There are days my brain hurts.

I have also found that writing a post is much more fun and much easier than writing an interview. I am getting better.

I had promised some extra crazy but instead I will give you some extra thanks.

Thanks Greg for being the first to leave a comment. Thanks Mirjam for a lot of kind of words and support. Thanks Sy for being close to being as crazy as me. Thanks Crissy for being as crazy as me. It's funny I am always looking for others that find this little blog to comment but I find really I am looking for you you 4. I will be looking later today as I look every day.

Have great weekend kids.

Hi. We missed you.

Here I sit and here I type

I hope to find this message getting done tonight.

It may not happen but that's ok

I can always finish at the start of the brand new day.


I know that was bad.

So it looks like a big no on the angry stuff. Big surprise but Sy asked for it so there you go. Blame Sy.

You should go ver to his site and hit the link to vote for him. I would like to see the guy win.

The more I think about it the more I love Indy 4.

I need to find out where I am because all I see is giant bunny rabbits trying to eat my face. It really is quite disturbing. I think I want my mommy to come save me. This really is getting kind of ridiculous as I paused for a moment in my typing and the Queen of the Geeks pointed to the key I was looking for. She got a laugh out of it.

There is something satisfying about watching Ernie Reyes Jr beating the Crap out of Dwayne Johnson in The Rundown. I really dig Dwayne. He really has become quite the good actor.

Speaking of Christopher Walken. I look at this man and I know he has got to have killed some one in his passed. He just has that kind of crazy about him. Don't get me wrong I love the guy bu the is a little off center.

Now Mike Meyers on the other hand is a funny dude. I can't wait to see The Love Guru.

I definitely want to see Adam Sandler's new flick too.


Which reminds me of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Jack was incredible in that movie.

Well you tell me how I got to Jack starting with Dwayne and I will be impressed. Especially if you don't use IMDb. Have fun kids.

The A**hole is back

SO i went and saw Indy 4. Here is what I have to say to all the nay sayers out there rtight now that are panning this film left and right. Go fuck yourselves.

Check my other site for my review.

Next, why is it now I have to sit through 30 minutes of commercials before I see a movie. I thought we went to the movies to get the fuck away from commercials.

An Abba music based musical. Please shoot me now.

Then on the way to the theater some kid decides to cut across traffic as I am trying to turn and I damn near hit him. You can imagine the things I was yelling at this kid who had his iPod ear buds plugged in listening to something that most likely would resemble 2 cats having sex.

Some dick head around here asked for angry. Well here is mildly annoyed. You still want to push for angry?

Then I have to deal with some nitwit that wants to try to sell me something I don;t even want. I think the "Fuck off and die" got the point across.

So I think that I might go and get some stuff from the guy that has that stuff and that other stuff that is kind of like the stuff but totally different.

So hear I sit and hear I ponder what in the hell is there to wonder.

I know.

Just imagine this, most of this is what The Queen of the Geeks puts up with daily, all day, every day and then some.

I just saw the M&M's Addams Family commercial and I want my mommy. That commercial was damn disturbing. I think I may need to go change my pants.


Well kids you have fun now and I am going to bed. When I wake up there will be new fresh comments from horrified people. Have a good one kids.

I am lagging these days. Relaxed too much on the 3 day weekend.

Supposedly this afternoon we are going to see Indy 4. I am looking forward to it.

Just having my first cup of coffee and realizing that I am in a lot of pain. I had bowling last night and my wrist is killing me.

It makes typing a little difficult but I'll live.

So last summer The Wookie broke up with a girl he was seeing. He needed new shoes for work. Statty and I went with him and while waiting found shoes we wanted. So the Wookie got upset and we all bought shoes. The gayest thing we have ever done.

Friday the Wookie was upset and hanging over Statty's place. When I walked through the door I yelled "We are not buying shoes."

Instead we played Madden 08.

Yesterday was a special day for me. I am a veteran and yesterday was a day to honor those that have serve and died for this country. I am very proud to be a veteran and I always will be. I will always support those that serve today and have a certain amount of respect for all those I meet that have served.

I don't have much today. 1 joke and 1 message. You kids have fun I am going to go take some alieve and run DQ to school. The funny and wierd shall return tomorrow.

A storming we will go...

...a storming we will go hi ho a dairy oh a storming we will go.

So I am sitting here watching the Adventures of Ford Fairlane. I still dig Dice. Kiss my ass I write this shit and I can like whomever I choose.

It's booty time.

So here I sit and I am sitting here. Let's walk through the garden and see what we can find.

I see a tree. It's leaves are blue. Under the tree grew mushrooms. They were purple.

The grass was orange.

I say dragons flying in the air.

Is it disturbing that I do this shit on purpose or would it be more disturbing knowing some one that truly was insane was living next door to you writing this shit?

Lauren Holly is damn yummy.

Then I took a trip on a my magic dragon and we went to back to the beginning of time. It was boring so we came back.

I think I have found some stuff that will be helpful. I like this stuff is is nice stuff.

Rock the cradle of love. Such a great song. An even better video.

I am tired now I think I am going to go to bed. You kids have a great weekned.

She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care.

If you want to hang out you have to take her out, cocaine.

Brothers and sisters put this record down take my advice because we are bad news.

Well I ahve been up to Paris and I slept in a park. Went down to Barcelona some one broke on my car and I'll search the world over for my angel in black. Yeah I'll search the world over for a eurotrash girl.

You just got to love the shuffle feature on iTunes.

So I have been pretty busy with the other site lately and I have a lot of stuff goiong on. None of it bad but it left me unable to write for yesterday. Not to mention I was a little drunk when I got back from bowling last night. I bowled like shit. I normally carry around 185 average and 172 was my high game. Bad night.

Then I came home and did some stuff.

I have got to say I love the Pepsi commercial where we see Justin Timberlake get the shit kicked out of him. Hate his music but he is a good actor.

I made the most important phone call I have made in awhile. I am getting cable turned on Thursday and I am getting cable internet. Fuck Clear Wire.

Damn I was so busy working on one of my interviews and another article I missed Navy NCIS. I love that show. Mark Harmon is great. Still my favorite Mark Harmon scene ever is from Summer School when he and Wonder Mutt are on the beach with the peanut butter and jelly.

Harrison Ford is on Dave tonight. I guess I am going to have to stay up.

So this is going to be the 4th article I have written 4 hours.

Tomorrow is not here yet but today is almost gone and I can't find yesterday.

If knowledge is power, then what is wisdom? Yes Greg Andrew got that from me.

This question is the easiest way to gage some ones thought process. If you get them to talking on this trying to rationalize an answer you will learn everything you need to know about them.

Fortunately for all of you I have decided to use my powers for the forces of good.

Dave is on. I have just heard that some one has the balls to charge $175 for a hamburger. What scares me is that some one will pay it. Dumb fuck, fucking dolt, moron, ignorant fuck.

Today is Cher's birthday. Yippee for Cher.


According to David Letterman, Cher treated herself to a new ass for her birthday.

I have some stuff that will do some stuff.

Then I started to sing and people paid me to shut up.

Dave really is not that funny anymore. I think he has lost it or he needs new writers.

I am imagining a place where stress is stressed out and now that it knows what it does to us it will be leaving us alone.

Has anyone seen me? I seem to have misplaced myself. I can't seem to remember what I did with myself. Where did I leave me now?

I wish I knew what was going on but I just can't seem to find the light switch that controls the ceiling fan that blows the paper that was written on by the pen that is sitting on my desk looking at me crossly.

I hate election years. TO FUCKING MANY ELECTION COMMERCIALS!

Then I kept drinking which explains why they keys keep moving around and I can't seem to find them in the right places. So I guess I should head off to bed. You kids have fun and I will see you later.

The wild side

I have been quite busy the last couple days. I got back 2 of the 4 sets of interview questions I sent out for the work I do on my other site. I am trying to get those articles written and put together. There has been a lot of work going into it.

I will have a real post up tomorrow and thank you for your patience. In the mean time you know what to do. Hit that blogroll. Later kids. Have a great day.

Survey time

You will see below where I got this from. There may be another of these in the near future. I will warn you know I had a lot of fun with this one.

Last Movie You Saw In A Theater: Iron Man and it kicked maximum ass.

You sound like a dork.

No I told you I am a geek.

You are so lame.

Blow me.

Piss off.

Not this again.

What Book Are You Reading: I have heard these archaic things you call books. You see I have evolved past the point of needing to engage in activities such as reading a book to gain knowledge. With my superior mental abilities I can absorb knowledge from anyone. Of course I am surrounded idiots so I am not that damn smart now am I.

Favorite Board Game: Take the board and strap it to your ass before sleeping with a... Oh wait you meant like Monopoly or something. I will definitely go with or something.

Favorite Magazine: The ones with the pretty pictures. I like pretty pictures. I like the pictures with the pretty trees and the happy little clouds. They make feel warm and fuzzy. I like to feel warm and fuzzy. Sometimes I put on animal costumes and...uh I like the pretty pictures.

Favorite Smells: You know we were going to let him answer this one but the we decided he should not be allowed to answer. We actually did take a vote and well he lost and he's not happy.

Stupid jerks. Why won't you let me answer the question?

You know why.

I hate you guys. You guys are fags.

Favorite Sound: Did you really have to give him 2? We had to restrain him and wrap him in duct tape and throw him in the closet. See what you made us do.

Worst Feeling In The World: Having your other personalities duct tape you and throw you in the closet.

Favorite Fast Food Place: Carls Jr.

Future Child’s Name: I got neutered so I won't be having children in the future.

Finish This Statement. “If I Had A Lot Of Money I’d…”

Buy the world a coke and we would sing in perfect harmony.

Do You Drive Fast? Define fast.

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal? I stuffed a sleeping animal. Does that count?

Storms-Cool Or Scary: There is nothing like a good thunder storm. I love to run out side with this 10 ft copper pole I have and see if I can get struck by lightning. So far I am up to 134 times that I have been hit and I have had no ill side effects.

Yes he has.

No I haven't

Then how do explain us?

You remember what they used to do to me. They used to make me year nice clothes and be polite and listen to Roger Whitaker records. I had to eat vegetables and say prayers and be a good little boy. They gave me love and encouragement. Those sick bastards.

What Was Your First Car? 1978 Kelly Green Ford... wait for it... wait for it, Pinto wagon.

Favorite drink: Bacardi and Cherry Pepsi.

Finish This Statement, “If I Had The Time I Would …..”
I would find the question whose answer is 42.

No you wouldn't.

Yeah you sit around and write crazy shit answers to surveys.

I would not. Wait a minute. Never mind.

Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli? I just threw up a little in my mouth.

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice? I would coat it in adamantium and then use my head as a battering ram and become a superhero known as The Head.

Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In: Chico, Oklahoma City, San Antonio, Coco Beach, Bend, Redmond, Moore, Del City, Biloxi, Panama City (Panama), some nameless village in Honduras and Cottonwood.

Favorite Sports To Watch: There is only one sport and that is the mighty game played by the warriors of the National Football League.

One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You: There is something nice about him? Damn even his hamster faked his own death to get away from the guy.

What’s Under Your Bed? The floor. Duh, big red truck.

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again? No. I want to be born as as a the son of Bill Gates

Morning Person Or Night Owl? Well it ain't morning while I am filling this thing out.

Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up? I may be easy but I ain't cheap. Oh yo meant how do I like my eggs. Unfertilized.

Favorite Place To Relax: On my back with my...

We apologize he chewed through the duct tape and we did not catch him before he reached the keyboard.

Favorite Pie: OK there are 4 of us holding him down. If you are going to tempt him like this we may not be able to stop him without killing him. If he dies, we die. I think you see our predicament. SO KNOCK IT OFF!

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Rocky Road, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookie Dough, Rasberry and don't forget Double Fudge Chunk.

Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who’s Most Likely To Respond First? I am not tagging anyone but I am betting Crissy could have a lot of fun with this as well.

10 Little Indians

There were once ten little Indians and they all had a different blog. The first little Indian blogged about blogging.

He was not very original and would often copy and paste his posts from other bloggers. He would put his own little spin on things but his posts were never original. Even his about page was borrowed form some one else.

The second little Indian blogged about making money. His posts all looked the same. It was just one post after another telling us how much money he made. Of course his blog also looked like so many others all bragging about making money but never giving us anything of substance.

Do you think you know where this is going yet?

The third little Indian had a hamster once. The hamster died. Then we found out the hamster had faked his death to get away from his inept and crazy owner. This little Indian also wrote other little funny tales but some thought he was quite mad. Then one day he some people put him against others in the land and asked us to vote to see who is the funniest. I voted for him, will you?

The fourth little Indian was a girl. She was a pretty blond and had a head full of whimsical things. She had no impulse control. She has a few complexes but she always makes us laugh.

The fifth Little Indian is also of the female persuasion. She is a pro at blogging but also has a soul. She writes things that are true and writes with passion. She does not seem to write as frequently these days and I miss her outlook on life.

The sixth little Indian had some friends and they all liked to talk, a lot. They came together to write a blog about what ever they felt like writing about. I hear they threw one overboard and he comes around once in a while. They almost remind me of the seven dwarves. Dopey comes by here frequently. (You had to see it coming.)

The seventh little Indian had an affinity for limes. He asked other to come and help his blog grow. He had writers from across the world writing about anything and everything. He even got himself a whore.

The eighth little Indian was quite insane. He wrote random things and seldom made sense. Yet people read his ramblings anyway.

The ninth little Indian once tried to catch a deer to feed until it was good and fat. The deer did not want to be caught and the little Indian had quite the fight. Should you read the tale I advise having nothing around you that may get knocked over as you nearly pee yourself laughing.

The tenth little Indian is a whore. He has suffered from gonorrhea and syphilis. He takes antibiotics by the loads. He subjects himself to the worst there is to offer and keeps coming back for more.

Yes the last 8 Indians represent different blogs. If you don't go read them I am going to cry.

So I have Sy and Greg that want to see what I write without caffeine while I am ticked off. I write this first part last night. The next part I wrote this morning.

So here we are and I have not had my coffee yet and I hurt. Mix of sunburn and sinus headache. FUCK!

Not really angry just really damn tired. Need coffee. Fuck this getting coffee. Told you this part would not be good. So enjoy the stuff above and check some people out. Have a great weekend I am off to find coffee.

I am at 90 posts.

10 more until number 100.

What is on the board today?

I am just now getting around to writing this. It is 9 am and here we go.

I learned this morning why Crissy is mental.

I also learned about The flight of the Hamster.

I now also know, unfortunately, what spitzering is.

It was also nice to see that getting traffic violations taken care of is just as difficult in Australia as it is in the USA.

This is how I spent the first part of my morning. Now I have my Starbucks and I am ready to wrote some stuff that may be all over place or it may follow some sort of structure. Let's see what happens.

My left eye has been twitching non stop for about 2 weeks now. It really is getting annoying. The Queen of the Geeks says it is from lack of sleep. I have been getting plenty of sleep. I even took a nap yesterday. I think it may have something to do with allergies. You see in Chico California if you have never had allergies you will when you move here.

John Bidwell, the founder of Chico, decided he wanted to see what would and what wouldn't grow here. As it turns out damn near anything will grow in Chico. So we have more kinds of pollen in the air than any where I have ever been. What this means to me is that for a few months each year I have a non stop sinus headache and my eyes go buggy.

You know there is a time and a place for everything. This is the time and place for me to say something random.

The caterpillars ate my underwear.

We have our annual Silver Dollar Fair coming up Memorial day weekend. Before this event takes place it will rain. It does every year. Then after the rain we get our first 100 degree days of the year. This makes for muggy weather and mud. There is also a lot of livestock so the air is full of this wonderful aroma mix of animal droppings and all the sorted fair food. Talk about making you sick to your stomach. I quit going to the fair years ago.

A moth ate my socks.

Then I went to the place for the thing that i had been waiting for and they did not have it. I cried. Then I pulled out a gun but it was a squirt gun and I squirted everyone in the place.

So there is guy I know. He started dating this chick a couple years ago that made us all raise an eyebrow. You meet this girl and after 5 seconds you know she is coo coo for Cocoa Puffs. She broke into his apartment and was sitting on his couch when he came home and one time told him she would pour gas on him and light him on fire. No I am not making this up. He kept dating her. Everyone I know that met the chick all had the same thing to say. "She's nuts."

So here I sit in my robe typing away and wondering how long it will be before I find my pot of gold. Like that is the strangest thing you have read on here.

Well kids I think I may go get dressed and do something. I am not sure what but it will be something. You kids have fun and I will see you tomorrow for another stormy Friday.

Kristen is Observant

So no post yesterday. I tried but it was shit. So here we are Wednesday morning at 8:40 PST and I was thinking to myself, "Self you need to wrote something today."

"OK but what should I write?"

"Something"

"Right but what?"

"You know."

"If I did why would I be asking you?"

"Look who are talking to."

"You're an asshole."

"Duh big red truck."

So this is how this is how I deal with my day after dropping DQ and The Dude off at school. OK well daycare for The Dude.

Now it is time ofr coffee and cigarettes. Then I have to go to work. Work being finding new and different ways to attract people to my other site.

I am finding if I want to make social networking a full time job then maybe I would have great luck with using it to promote my other site or this one or both. Really who wants to spend their day feeding the egos of others. I want to feed my ego. I don't want to run around telling everyone how wonderful they are I want them to tell me how wonderful I am. We all do. Basic human need for acceptance, get over it and move on.

Moving on.

You know this random thing is not as easy as it looks. I mean really some days I wake up and I got nothing. Other days I wake up and I have too much. Today is just right.

Yes, I just used a Goldilocks reference.

I may have some stuff for this and then I have some stuff for that. Then I read this thing that sad the stuff for this could be used for that and then I read something else telling mr this and that were the same thing. I am not happy.

In other news. There was news.

Next.

I found that living in a college town when the weather is warm has certain aesthetic advantages. Great scenery.

So if you go over to The Wheel is turning but the Hamster is Dead, you will find Sy asking for a little help. Go help the idiot out.

I had this dream of a walking talking bear that had Ron Pearlman's voice. Weird shit.


So now I am off for my second cup of coffee and a smoke. After that I will be out meandering around and looking for some trouble to get into. If you have any recommendations let me know. I will see you later kids.

Monday, Monday...

Every other day of the week is fine.

Another disturbing song reference. So shoot me.

Mother's day has come and passed and we had a good one for the Queen of the Geeks. I was up late Saturday night making a blue berry cream pastries. For brunch omelette's with ham and mushrooms and cheese. Dinner was a home made Alfredo with mushrooms and chicken.

Picked the Dude up last night. Good to have him home.

Watching PCU right now while I write. Such a funny flick. "You're wearing the t-shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy."

The first thing I ever saw Jeremy Piven in. I have been a fan since. What's funny is going back and watching hit movie and realizing that is indeed Jon Favreau as Gutter. "Just on hit and then I'll go."

One of David Spades first flicks as well. You love to hate the guy.

"Tonight at the Pit Everyone gets laid." Probably the best marketing for a college party anyone could dream up.

Frisbee football between potheads and womanists that look like they want to be their own Army. Jake Busey as the lead pothead just seems fitting.

"Can you blow me where the pampers is?"

Did you know that Jon Favreau made Elf?

Me neither until a few minutes ago.

I was watching a few flicks this weekend and there is one that really stood out. Cinderella Man. One of if not the best boxing movie ever made. The fight scenes were incredible. I also took a look at There will be Blood which was amazing. The score can throw you a bit but Lewis deserved the Oscar after watching that movie. Charlie Wilson's War was quite entertaining.

I also peeped the Eeck a penis episode of South Park and frankly it is the most offensive thing I have ever seen on TV. I highly recommend it. You can watch it here.

I need a smoke I will be right back.

"This penis party has got to go hey hey ho ho."

You know I am digging this writing while watching thing.


"Chuck, Porterhouse, Rib Eye I know you guys are upset..."

Not to mention that this movie give us the Caine/Hackman theory that states that at any given time there is either a Michael Caine or a Gene Hackman film on TV. As a matter of fact this became such a thing that an interviewer once asked Caine about it and here is his response.

JH: Are you aware of the Hackman/Caine theory that there’s always a Gene Hackman or Michael Caine movie on somewhere?
MC: Yeah. He makes as many movies as I do!

"What's your major?"

"Phys Ed."

"Phys ed, ok you're out of my room. No seriously get out."

I love the moment the womenists realize they might be making error wioth the line

"It's like if your nice to them they bring you things."

"Exactly"

I went through and watched the special features on this one and Piven was a little upset with the way it turned out. You see they hired him after he came in and improved a bunch of stuff and the director would not let him improv anything in the movie.

Well kids it's time for me to go do something unexciting. You all have fun. Until the next time remember, "We're not going to protest! We're not going to protest! We're not going to protest!"

Friday is here

Or is it over there. Either way it's time for the crazy to come out. I have no idea what lies ahead as I make this shit up as I go.

So I sent an email to Stumble the other day asking why I got one day of Stumble traffic on my new site after some one submitted it and I have not seen any other Stumble traffic since. What i g ot back was a suggestion to try their paid advertising campaign. WTF?

The charge 5 cents for every visitor they send your way. What a fucking joke. I though Stumble was supposed to be way to discover sites other people recommended not sites people paid them to push. Here is my response to to Stumble.

FUCK THAT NOISE!

Talk about great ideas turned bad. I guess that explains the pain shit I have to suffer through with hitting my Stumble button before I get something of value.


Next.

I can't wait for the new Dark Knight movie. It looks bad ass.

So I have been watching my Thursday night shows and they have been kind iof a let down tonight. That could also be the excruciating pain I have ion my knees right now. I screwed them up 20 years ago and still have problems from time to time. I should be fine tomorrow but damn there has been some pain today. Took a couple pain killers and while it still hurts I just don;'t care. Now for something completely different.

The Office had a funny ending.

I have been quite pre-occupied as of late. Got a million things running around up stairs and can;t seem to get anyof them to slow down long enough for me actually resolve any of them. ADD can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

So I have also been playing Starcraft Brood Wars again just to to get ready for Starcraft 2 which I believe is supposed to come out this year. I love the game.

I found my feet my feet today. They had gone off to take a break. They apologized for not leaving a note.

I love 30 Rock.

Shiah Lebouf is hosting SNL this week. I am watching.

"You had a 3 way with Tom Arnold and Rosanne."

These are words no one should hear. Yet I keep watching 30 Rock.

OK so here I sit and here I am going to sit for a while until I find myself.

I miss The Dude. I am picking him up on Sunday.

Alec Baldwin had no shame. I love the guy. Any man that can do the canteen boy sketch and make a pass at Adam Sandler is worthy of giving a free pass to.

Two and 1/2 Men just came on and I so love this show. I can't say it enough.

Jake has to spend the night with Grandma. It's classic.

So I am thinking of a story. OK a couple.

Before Sy leaves some sexual remark about my knee injury here is how it happened. I was 13 playing basket ball in the gym and got tripped and landed straight on my knees. They swelled up so bad I could not walk for 3 days and then an additional 3 on my right knee. Ever since I have had problems. About 7 years ago I went to a orthopedic surgeon and had him look at them. He poked he prodded and we did X-rays and MRI's and still could not find anything wrong. Same as every other Dr. Then he says the only option is to go in and look around as in surgery. He finds nothing. So I ma left with my knees hurting for no apparent reason. Then 2 years ago I am living in Oregon and go into to see the same orthopedic surgeion that treats the US Ski team as well as other athletes. The guy knows his shit. He listens to my history and I tell him about the pain when it hits and how this all began. He pokes and prods and does one X-ray and tells me I have scarring under my knee caps in the cartilage causing my knee caps to float which is why I have the problems. He gives my a brace that I wear when it hurts and the next day I am fine. So kiss my ass my friend no busting my knees by spending so much time on them jokes for you.

I am sure Miss Kristen would have taken a shot or 2 as well. You know you guysa really need to be checking her site out. She really is one the funniest people I have come across in a long time. That's no bullshit. She cracks me up constantly.

Oh and my buddy Mirjam is back from vacation so hit the Me Myself an I link in the blog roll as well as the Crissy link to find Miss Kristen's insanity that is sure to put a smile on your face.

So I said a couple stories. I was 6. I had just gotten my first BMX bike with steel mags. this was 1980. This is a period of time that did not produce a light BMX bike. Steel frame that damn near outweighed me. I see my buddy a couple years older than me ride a wheely. I start practicing. Then one day on the coldesac I am the only kid out side. I go to pop a wheely and end up pulling the bike out from under me and tossing it into the air as I fall on my ass only to have the bike come down on top of me. Not a proud moment in my life.

This is only one of many of my life's embarrassing moments. Oh yes you will get more.

I found a worm on the ground and it was dried up and on the side walk baked to a crisp. Poor little fucker.

Was that random enough for you.

So does anyone think they are catching on yet?

Figuring out the method to my madness. I have a secret. I have a few. Most of them illegal and from my youth.

Speaking of salsa where is my hamster and speaking of Richard Gere where is my gerbil?

Was that wrong?

Should I start holding back?

I realize the more time I spend with this blog the deteriorated it seems to get. But this is where I blow off steam these days. Writing this random crap helps me focus to write the focus crap I have to do for the other site. I still have fun but I have to come off like I know what the fuck I am talking about and try to be whimsical at the same time with some balance. Here I am just balls out crazy with no apologies. Next week though I got some cool shit to talk about from a talk with the Wookie. Gave good weekend kids.

TV for geeks

So a friend brought over this weeks Big Bang Theory for us to watch. It is a brilliant show in more ways than one. 4 super geeks and throw in a hot blond and let the guys from 2 and half men write it and you have your self a funny ass show.


I got to edit a script today. I even put in a suggestion that I am fairly sure will show up in a movie. It was a good suggestion. I had an epiphany at that moment that I actually know what the fuck I am doing.

Then I hung out with the Wookie and El Jeffey and we went and saw Iron Man again. It held up. I love the flick and I am buying it.

I have a little dog. This little dog is finally starting to listen. This little dog gets to sleep on the bed again.

So when the Wookie called me this morning he asked to talk to the Queen of the Geeks. I gave her the phone and he asked her if I could come over and play. Yes my friends and I actually do this kind if juvenile shit all the time.

Oh shit missing the show as they bitch about work. I can understand it as I used to be their boss about 3 years ago. That would be the friend that brought over the show and my wonderful woman in case you are not paying attention.

This is not random, this is life. Next.

Then I went to the playground and got on the swings and had so much fun. Back to the news.

There was an accident today in which a pizza ran a red light and sideswiped a jar of Skippy peanut butter. It was quite the creamy sauce mess.

So.

I know.

Get over it already.

Yes I know this pointless but like that ever stopped me before.

I lost my feet today. They got up and ran away. Then I tried to stand. Felt like I was in quicksand.

So.

No I am going to do that again. Yes they are still bitching and I am trying to tune it out.

I may not get to watch this show tonight and I was going to do commentary. Don't ask why. I could try to explain it but it would probably make your head explode. Please do make me make your head explode. It would be messy. How do you explain that to your loved ones. I need help. Would you help me?

How would you help me?

How do you know that would work?

Are you starting to feel better about your own sanity now?

You should.

So I finally got to use my shirt. It says:

A: I'm Ignoring you.

B: I don't care.

C: I am not listening.

D: All of the above.

I got to look at both of them and point at D. Probably the one and inly time I will be able to use this shirt and still wake up with both my eyebrows. It is a proud day for me.

The show is brilliant. I don't know if I could do it justice.

Anyway you kids have fun today and go check some stuff out.

Finding your center

So I have medicated and I am finding my center. It's weird but one thing that always helps me find my center is the movies Clerks and Clerks 2. I don't know why but it works.

Justy listening to the opening song from Clerks 2 while watching them drive around just started this wonderful peace and calm.

Then I noticed something I had never noticed before. Jason Mewes actually was acting in this movie. Mewes is no longer Jay. Mewes had to act in this movie to be Jay.

Really to hear Rosario Dawson say that sometimes in the heat of the moment it is forgivable to go ass to mouth is something I never get tired of.

In watching this movie for the 50th time or so I have really began to understand what an outstanding job the kid that played Elias did.

The way Kevin Smith writes dialog is simply amazing. The conversations just have this natural flow to them. No forced words or thoughts. It all comes off as something that you might actually witness.

Really who has never wondered if a chick with a mouth full of donkey spunk swallows?

Sure it's some sick and twisted jokes but with a great honesty that it takes the edge off. Either that I am just that much of a sick bastard.

Really every time I bite on the loof an Jeff Anderson's face when he hears what pillow pants is. Best acting he probably ever do. It totally sold the scene and is what makes it so damn funny.

Since this movie came out I have contemplated wearing a "Porch Monkey 4 Life" shirt every Halloween. I want to take it back. Really I see a porch monkey as any kid sitting on the porch regardless of skin color.

Really how does this C.H.U.D. always have two hot chicks into him. Does anyone remember whay C.H.U.D. stands for.

How does any straight man not love watching Rosario Dawson bounce. I would love to say that some of us are evolved creatures and we don't love this kind of juvenile stuff but it would be a blatant lie.

Then in closing let's discuss the donkey show. The guy doing the donkey is going to have a moment in his life when one of his kids is going to look at him and say "Ooh cake."

At this point he his going mutter under his breath "I hate Kevin Smith."

I fell better now, how about you?

Sorry guys

I had some family stuff come up this morning that has me quite angry. Every one is OK and it's not something I would want to discuss on here but my mind is wrapped up in this issue right now and I just can't think of anything else. I should have something tomorrow. I appreciate your understanding.

Just another manic Monday...

I wish it was Sunday because that's my fun day.

Did I just pull out the Bengals, I did and I don't care.

So it's not quite 10 am and I am just now getting around to writing this because last night I went to see this band that The Queen of the Geeks is obsessed with. The band is Floater and we saw their acoustic set at the El Rey theater in Chico.

The El Rey was built back in 1906 and seats close to 1,000 people. The place has incredible acoustics and murals on the wall I can't even begin to describe. I did find a site with some pictures. The coolest thing about the murals is that the left wall is exactly the same as the right wall.

Saturday I went to see Iron Man and loved it. For a more detailed review check my other site.

So here we are with Monday. Monday the 5th of May. Cinco De Mayo. I understand the desire to have a day to just get fucking plastered but really we are going to celebrate a Mexican holiday in the US and not acknowledge what it is about. Seriously that is just blatant douche baggery. I feel the same way about St. Patty's. Go back and read this post for a lesson. It is in the last paragraph.

OK off the soap ox and on to something completely different.

So I helped the Wookie move his girl in to his place this weekend. My first instinct with this chick was not good. Not good at all. I see I was right but I also see a some one trying to change. So we will see what happens.

So the concert was not too bad. My only problem with the band is the guys voice on some of the songs. He sounds like he is trying to sing instead of using his natural singing voice. It's forced sound that cuts through my brain and makes me want to kill people. His natural singing voice sounds much better and the urge to kill goes away.

Well I am off to do something spectacular. On the mean time find a way to do some thing spectacular and share it with others. Buh Bye.

One more in the books

So my face still hurts but I am going to live and that's the bad news. On to the good news.

I had this thing I was doing earlier and I found this other thing that helped me do the first thing and then I did this other thing that had doing all kinds of things.

Then I went and had dinner with The Queen of the Geeks family. Damn good food. Her brother is a cool guy. I like her mom too.

So it's Thursday night around 11pm and That 70's show is on as usual. Is it just me or did Jackie get hotter as the show went on. If only she had a mute button.

The show never fails to make me laugh.

So I have been doing a lot of writing lately for the other site. It is hard work keeping both sites full of new content. These posts kind of write themselves but the other site I have to actually look shit up and worry about being right. Like my last 2 interviews that got posted this week. I spent more hours working those 2 articles then I spend on 2 weeks worth of posts on this site.

Again here the posts write themselves but when writing a real interview I have to sift through pages of notes and decide what to use and what to throw out. I have to put effort into making my guest come off looking good and still try to make it interesting. The first interview I did with Uwe Boll was my first interview ever. This last one was the best so far. I am learning and learning quickly. I have no choice. If I am going to make this other site work I have to be spot on with everything I do. If only I could get some more traffic to the site. Then I could use my stats to sell interviews and sell ad space. I have resigned myself to the fact that in order for the site to work and in order for me to put what I want into it I need to make money off it with out being cheap and cheesy.

I know this is not the normal madness that comes with the Friday post but it is weighing on my mind quite a bit. I still can't find a job and money is tight. I have a prospect coming up doing some office work for the apartment complex I line in but that is at least a month away, maybe longer.

Yeah so I am a little stressed and a little under the weather. So the crazy shit is not flowing and I can't force it. My apologies.

Then everyone Loves Raymond comes on and it reminds of a story.

My moms parents names were Frank and Marie. They lived in Carson City Nevada. As a kid My mom would take me and my sister for visits a couple times a year. I always loved going to grandma and grandpas house. They kept this bowl of soft mints on the table and my grandpa would smoke his pipe and it smelled so good. They had a garden in the back and I would spend time with my grandpa working in the garden. I worshiped the man. He will always be one of my favorite people and one of the people I have the greatest respect for. I miss him. He died when I was 13. I always regretted not being there to say goodbye. They also had 2 dachshund's, the Fritzies, Big Fritz and Little Fritz. I loved those dogs. The image that always brings a smile to my face is of my grandma standing at the stove cooking while smoking. I am sure there were times that there was no salt and pepper even though it looked like it. Sorry grandma I could not resist.

Anyway Nevada gets hot. Real hot. The other thing I loved about these visits was going to The Nugget casino. They had kids room down stairs with all kinds of arcade games and even a bumper pool table. It was great when I was kid. Now if we went anywhere during the day there was always one thing everyone in the car knew was coming.

"Park in the Shade Frank."

"I know Marie."

"Frank you passed the shade."

"I know Marie I am looking for closer spot."

"There is a shade spot Frank."

"I know Marie."

This while my mom, my sister and I are in the back seat trying not to laugh. The other day I was driving somewhere and went to park and passed up a close spot for a spot in the shade. The Queen of the Geeks pointed out that I always park in the shade. It was then I realized that every time I go to park somewhere I always here my grandparents and especially my grandma saying, "Park in the shade."

"I know grandma, I know."

I miss them both and this little piece of my years knowing them will always stick with me.

Again my apologies for the lack of crazy shit today but I am just not feeling it. today was a personal day and I had some personal shit to say. I hope this day finds you all well and I hope you all have a kick ass weekend.

In closing check Crissy out she has had some fucking hilarious shit this week. Especially her Thursday video post. Classic shit that had me rolling.

Sleepless in Chico

So as of right now I have been awake for about 36 hours. It is Wednesday night around 720pm. I got Scrubs on the TV and the girlfriend is out visiting a friend. So I guess this could either real stupid or real interesting real fast.

I am looking forward to being able to go tot sleep at some point. I get these sinus infections that put pressure on the nerves that run through the top of my jaw making it feel like one hell of a toothache running up and down my jaw. They not as bad as the first one. few years ago I got hit with this and slept a grand total of 8 hours for the entire month of August back in 2003.

Then there is this new Jack in the Box commercial and man what a miss. I have high expectations for these guys. Bringing back Jack was a classic move and made for some rally fun commercials. This latest one makes me glad I know where the mute button is.

Let's see what else is going in my world. The Dude is with his mom for the next 2 weeks. He has been gone 4 days and has called me 3 times. I miss my Dude.

Scrubs is over let's see what comes on next. I think it is 2 and 1/2 men. I love that show. The thing I love is that Charlie Sheen is not acting in this show. That's just him.

Still can't find a job.

So the little dog in the picture. That's Uma. she is a chihuahua, queens land heeler mix. This means she is too smart to listen and too neurotic to realize she is smart. Yet still I love my Uma dog. I still want a big dog.

Then there is Tiger. That would be my stepdaughters cat. This cat is a pain in the ass. We have to tape light switches in place. you also want to make sure she is not in the bathroom if your in the shower. She will jump up and turn the light off. Same cat will look at you dead i the eye as she knocks stuff over. She is a pain. She's just lucky she is so damn cute and Iam animal lover. No not that kind of animal lover you sick freaks. Yes that goes for both Sy and Kristen.

Now I am sitting here with that "Oh my God I am tired." burning sensation in my eyes.

Oh no it's the Speed Racer commercial. I fiugre if you turn the volume off the movie will be visually awesome. Volume on and you run the risk of getting gonorrhea in both eyes and syphilis in your ears. Was that mean? So what.

Next.

This no sleep thing reminds me of when The Dude was an infant. Well that and when I used to drink a lot. I remember the 4 day benders, ok so I don't remember all the details but I remember I was drunk for 4 days at a time. I would start Wednesday with mug night at the enlisted club while I was n the Air Force and stop drinking some time around Sunday night.

It was fun for a few years. Then I got married and I drank a lot more. Oh come on you were expecting it and would have been disappointed if I let it go.

So here I sit at a quarter til 8pm and I am not quite sure what I am writing here. So I will say I like cheese.

Now for something completely different.

Some have called me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once. Then they put me in a home. I died there. Then they buried me. Then the worms came I hate worms, they make me crazy.

No imagine hearing that from 2 guiys saying it in turns and then syncing up perfectly and going on and on until you consider homicide and really think once you explain the situation you will get away with it.

John Cryer is great. I still remember him as Ducky. If you don't know I am not going to explain. Look it up.

Well kids I think I have rambled on quite enough for this evening. My face still hurts like hell but at least I won't have Kristen yelling at me again. Is it bed time yet?

I think so. I will see yo kids later. Have some fun and do something nice for some one. I am sure you know some one that could use it.

The passing of the draft

If you are not a football fan then you may as well just skim through to see if I talk about anything other then the NFL Draft. It has consumed much of my existence for the last couple weeks getting ready for this holy of holy days.

It is the single most exciting off season event of any sport. It is a national holiday or should be. So how did I celebrate?

First I had to put on my Michael Huff jersey and my Raiders hat and then meet up with Statty and the Wookie at Safeway. Before I left the Queen of the Geeks discovered that me and the giys don't actually like football that much and that the only reason we watch the season is to see of all the bullshit we talk about on draft day actually happens. So.

There were cheers, there times when 6 guys all said at the same time "What the Fuck?"

There was beer, gin and tonic, vodka, Jagermeister, chips, dip and some medicinal herbs. We ate we drank and we took shots at each other and at each others teams. I lost big this year and here is why. They were posting up some comments form the web on the screen and one incredibly stupid motherfucker that I would gladly punch in the face puts up, "Mcfadden is really going to help our defense this year."

Darren Mcfadden is a running back. He plays offense. How in the blue hell is he going to help the fucking defense you fucking dolt. Needless to say I took much shit over this.

From a an entertainment standpoint one of the best drafts ever. Now for something completely different.

Friday I had a great conversation with one of my heroes and I will be putting the finishing touches on the article tonight after bowling. I had a second interview on Friday with a guy that gave me a couple names and I have one of them locked up for an interview and with any luck I should be talking to the mystery man this week.

Well kids its 130 am and I am getting tired. So again for all the entertainment you can stand chack out my blog roll and don't miss a link. May you have a great week.

Blogstorm: Extra crazy edition

I just got reminded of a trick to keep small kids occupied while mommy is trying to get away from them for a few minutes. Works like a charm. My ex wife was upset when I did this to her daughters one day when she wanted to take a shower with out the 2 yr old crying at the door to come in. There is also a 5 yr old involved here so pay attention.

"Where's mommy"

"She's on a dragon flying to the moon go get moon cheese."

"Moon Cheese?"

"Special cheese that comes from the moon and mommies have to fly up there on a dragon to get the cheese."

"Mommy is getting us moon cheese Sissy."

"I know. Daddy when is mommy going to be back with the moon cheese?"

"Soon so sit down here and watch a movie for a little bit and I will go check to see if she's back." This where dad sneaks into the kitchen pulls out a block of cheddar and a knife. Cut a few 1/4 inch slices and then use the knife to cut out quarter moons. They don't have to be artistic, trust me the kids won't care. Then wait for mommy to get out of the shower and walk into the living room and bring in the moon cheese and say "Mommy got back with the moon cheese. She is saying goodbye to the dragon so daddy brought it to you."

"YEA MOON CHEESE!"

Mommy walks in the room and is damn near tackled by the diminutive pair as they are thanking her for getting them moon cheese. Mommy has no idea what daddy has been up to. Mommy asks the girls to explain. Daddy hides in the kitchen to hide his laughter. Mommy is not pleased and daddy gets smacked in the arm. Next.

So then we all went to the pace to get the thing and it was a messy thing and we had to clean it up before we could sell it to the guy for the money. We took the money and bought that thing over there and then it blew up and we were forced to hide behind the door.

I missed me. Did you miss me? I missed me.

So I lost my my feet yesterday. I was passing some time with a friend and all of a sudden my feet disappeared and then my head began to float away from my body.

So I got even more good news this morning and more offers for stuff for the other guy that uses my computer to write shit for some other websites and he is getting some cool stuff coming up in the future. I could tell you but then I would have to strap you to a table and slowly cut off all your limbs with a spork. Then I would have to clean the wounds with lime juice, I hear it works pretty good. Then cauterize your stumps and put you in your new home. A larger trash can and I will call you The Grouch and paint your face green. The next person is going to painted blue. Can you guess what I will call them boys and girls? That's right Cookie Monster. You sure are smart boys and girls.

OK so even I was a little scared of that one but I figured what the hell, these people already know I am insane. Then again if you have never read this dribble please note that these are normal posts and their has been intent in making you think I am insane. You are supposed to point and laugh and look at the silly white male melt before your eyes into a puddle of blubbering goo. Oops, I did it again.

Now quit groaning you had to know at some point Brittany Spears would haunt this blog for a moment or 2. Everybody gets one and that's mine. Besides you have to admit it was a clever way to work it in and you had no idea it was coming.

Now for something completely different. Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band hopes you will enjoy the show while you let the evening flow because your are such a lovely audience and we would like to take you home with us. Please stay tune.

Ever see a dog lick a baby kittens genitals and face. Me either until I was hanging out with the Scruffy Guy and watched his dog do it. I have a great video of the face lick on my phone. It so rocks.

I have said it before, my life is the target for weird shit. Every day I live, something weird this way comes. Hmm... never mind.

You know I really do love both of my personas the same. "Oh really, thank you daddy."

Unless you have been paying attention and have read my past posts you would know who my other persona is. If not, nobody tell them make them read it for themselves.

I like cheese.

Oldy but a goody.

Then this one time at... wait... this one time what? I forgot where I was going with this. Maybe some one will throw some original ideas in the comments.

So I have this friend (don't laugh I do have friends, really I do, I mean honestly I have friends, I truly do. OK so I only have this one.) and this friend did this thing that I had been wanting to do and this friend said this thing sucked. "It sucked?"

"Oh yeah buddy it sucked."

"How much did it suck?"

"It sucked it all"

"Woah"

So my ex wife was getting ready to drive the hour and half to come get The Dude for her two weeks and here is that conversation.

"On my way down."

"OK, cool."

"What's gas down there?"

"Stuff we put in cars."

"Asshole"

"Duh, big red truck."

"Why did I marry you?"

"The sex."

"Why did I divorce you?"

"Everything else."

"Oh yeah. Asshole. Be there soon."

OK so I made up everything after the first time I got called an Asshole but everything before that was true.

So I am taking some shots at the ex. If you knew what she said to my face last time I picked up The Dude you would know why.

"I tell every one that you're a good man and a good dad, an excellent father but a shitty husband."

Pause of about 15 seconds while I fight the urge to take the bait.

"You know I just thought of something. I am no longer married to you which means I am no longer required to argue with you."

We left very shortly after that.

Well kids I am off to play in the madness that is my life. I want you all to read my blogroll for more entertainment guaranteed and have a kick ass weekend.

One of my little adventures cought on video.

So I write with these guys over at www.rustylime.com and they came up for a visit and what pursued was fucking funny. Give it a watch. It's about 12 minutes and let's you see what a night with me might look like.


Joe and Kim meet Jim

Reflections

So I have been on a Beatles kick since I saw Across the Universe a month or so ago. I had to buy it after I saw it. Something about that time period I have always been in love with. It was the last time this country came to the brink of revolution and not just in politics but in thought.

Forget the drugs, people were embracing new ideas and new ways of thinking and there was this spirit of change and adventure or so I am told. I can only fantasize about it but I have always felt like there was something I missed by not even being conceived until almost half way through the 70's. Oh well back to the dream.

So then I am listening to the a mix of the Beatles and the stuff off the Across the universe soundtrack and I am so mellow it is so beautiful. I actually had a pretty big day with my movie site. I made an agreement that gives use of 1/4 million monthly hits for selling myself to get interviews in exchange for posting the celebrity interviews I have been getting. Friday is going to be a big day. I have 2 interviews to do and one is with a legend with the work he does. It is going to be an honor to talk to him.

I have a lot going on this last few weeks and have not really paid much attention to this blog since I have been getting the new one up and running. Its been almost 2 weeks and I am not getting huge amounts of hits yet. Duh big red truck dumbass. I know I am just anxious. I have laid out a lot of ground work for this sight that won't really become apparent for about six months. Until then I just keep plugging away.

Really for the first time in my life I feel like I am living in a dreamworld and that I am doing what I am meant to do. It's exciting but also quite peaceful at the same time. I am no longer worried about what I am going to be when I grow up. I found my dream and with it I found my passion and have seen how the rest of it has led up to this. Epiphany is the word I am searching for. I know it sounds stupid after two weeks but when I look at the chain of events over the last 2-3 months and I see how the pieces are falling into place. It is quite an elegant design to bring so many people and ideas into exactly the right place at the right time. I am riding high now but what happens when shit goes wrong like it always does from time to time. I like to think that I have reached a point where I will shrug it off and push forward, of course it helps that I am the most stubborn person I know.

There is something comforting about having this blog separate and only having a few that come and visit. The people that see the man behind the whore. The people that supported me from the start. These are the people I will never forget and that I owe the most to. These are the people that put up with my ramblings and craziness and kept coming back and even liked it. It is this blog right here and it's few readers that always come to see what I am rambling about now and leave their comments that gave me the confidence to do something I thought I would never do because it was only a dream. So to you I say thank you for helping me build the foundation for my dream. It's a good dream and I owe you all.

Don't worry this is no farewell and the crazy guy will be back full strength for one hell of a BlogStorm this week. My goal is to make it the best one yet.

Back to work

So I took a play day yesterday. Well actually I was cleaning the house all day. I am house bitch, what can I say?

Then bowled really well last night. I was happy.

Then I nearly killed a cat. You see I have this numbered USS Enterprise replica that my stepdaughters cat knocked over and broke last night. That cat is lucky to be alive at this point. One day this cat may become food for my snake when the snake is big enough. I have a ball python that is just under a year old. She is a pretty snake.

Then I got this really good news yesterday when I woke up but I can;t say anything yet. Otherwise it will spoil the surprise when I write the article.

I feel like I'm about to have an alien burst out of my gut so I will see you tomorrow.

Why this Monday doesn't suck

I just got an interview with one of my heroes. No I am going to tell you who you just have to check out The Movie Whore from time to time to find out. Yeah so I am pimping my own site. Sue me. Wait don't I am broke.

I had a nice relaxing weekend of sitting around and watching movies and hanging out with The Dude.

I don't have much for today so I suggest hitting everyone on my blog roll then come back tomorrow and I promise something entertaining. I am just too excited about the interview I am going to be doing very soon. have fun kids. See you tomorrow.