FTW?

Seriously,

I'm sitting here today not sure whether to ask "What the fuck?" or say "Fuck the what?"

It is a bit perplexing. You see I heard that it was Friday and that I was not going to be going to a theater anytime soon. It confused me, so I decided to ask myself about it and here is what the conversation looked like. (This is going to be fun kids, trust me, this is what I do.)

Dude?

What?

It's Friday, let's hit the theater.

Fuck you!

What the fuck!?

Do you fucking remember the last time we went to a theater, do you really fucktard?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah is right bitch boy.

So you want to tell these fuckers what happened or should I you sperm burping gutter slut.

What the fuck, that was uncalled for but really I have heard so much worse from so much better.

Touche

You can stop with the name calling asshole.

I said touche not douche dumb ass.

So can we get the fuck on with the problem with the theaters now you crazy prick mother fucker?

I guess so.

Well kids now that we have gotten our collective shit together, for now, the real problem I have with going to the theater, well let's hit the list and see what's there.

1. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS COMMERCIAL BULLSHIT YOU COCK SUCKING GREEDY MONEY WHORE ASSHOLES!

I get it, The Movie Whore calls some one else a whore, kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, I could go some places with this but in interest of not being called a racist asshole I will stop here, but let the jokes play in your mind.

You are so welcome for the 14 year old giggling you should be doing now.

I go to movies so I don't have to watch commercials. I enjoy film so I dn't have to be bombarded by advertisements that slowly turn me into a drooling zombie like creature doing nothing but buying useless shit.

Note: Certain strains of marijuana have been known to illicit this same effect, only I wind up at 7/11 saying shit like "I'll take one."

"One of what?"

"Everything"

Be careful how you medicate.

Next is the fucking price.

2. I CAN BUY MOVIES FOR LESS THAN I CAN GO TO THE MOVIES FOR YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!

Not to mention if you have no problem with it you can get the cam version on line for free. So why are tickets so expensive. Because it costs to god damn much to make these fucking things.  However if some forward thinking motherfuckers out there want to change the industry, try this shit on for size and tell me how it fits.

Everyone gets paid. Little if any upfront money. You work for what the film makes. No big star contracts, no big salaries for anyone. Everyone owns a piece of it and every one gets  paid on it. This includes the dude who turned a screwdriver for a couple days.

I know fucking insane isn't it. To put greed aside for the sake of art and then sharing it with everyone who had something to do with that art. I don;t know it seems to make sense to me. I share a lot of the credit for anything I do with my wife first and anyone else involved second. If was not for her support do you think I would be doing this shit?

I am just saying, don;t just give them a spot in the credits, give them an ongoing piece of the film, let everyone own it. What gives you the right to be so selfish?

I want answers on that one and be prepared for a nice little debate and I will be as ice as you are. The moment you get ugly, well you saw how I talk to myself and I love me, how do you think I might talk to you?(Just think, half show half real, guess which half is which?)

This is fun.

I like cheese.

Back to the show.

The Movies themselves leave little to be desired.

They are not worth the price. I take my wife to the show and I am spending $40 easy on a film that might suck donkey balls or that I may like and she may give the donkey to suck on for a while or she loves it and I am trying desperately to resist the urge to stick hot pokers in my own eyes and stab my ears to make the pain and the horror go away.

I would rather give the $40 to a crack whore and then walk turn around and walk away. At least with the crack whore I can give up the money and still not get fucked by a diseased used up human being that seems to describe most Hollywood directors. I mean I would actually rather fuck a crack whore(yes I have met one before and no I did not fuck her) than sit through some of the shit that gets passed of as film.

The people I blame the most are the stupid motherfuckers who keep going to the fucking theater to see this fucking shit.

Just stop going, it's that fucking easy. I go to one film a year. It is usually for my sons birthday, if I hit 2 it is for my daughter. We spend $100 on the outing.

Tell me the last movie you saw worth $100 in one shot.

Put it on perspective people. The theaters get very little of the box office cash when they should be getting at least a 30% draw from the box office receipts.

Think of what you are spending and how to spend it on better art, that's really what I am getting to. Find something good, see something that got no hype. find something free from commercials, find a film, not just some random fucking movie. Make the theater mean something again. Make it the sacred holy temple to cinema it once was.

They have tainted the temple and now I want to burn it down.

All hail the Movie Gods, may their greatness be restored, kneel and bow and give homage to the gods of film or be srtuck down dear mortals.


Nah.

I think I am just going to say this.

If you really want to see it, make sure it is worth it, because more than the money, you are going to lose time that could have been spent better and time you will never get back. It is the time that has the value and show them that you value your time and make them give us better ways to spend our time getting lost in the worlds they create for us.

Demand better worlds to explore kids, demand it, scream it with every once of desire and emotion you can summon and I bet they will hear us, if enough of us cry out.

 Then again I may just be a foolish little man with dreams too big for the real world. Maybe that's why I am The Move Whore and you're not.

Have fun